Ola, co-creating with you for me was and still is a continuing journey. A journey because it constantly throws me into a realm of the unexpected, not knowing. To some degree this is also the essence of the learning I took from being with you: practicing to integrate the „not-knowing“ into the practice itself. I don’t know if you remember but after our first stream of „CreA(C)TIONing the WON“ you said you’re missing the „US“ in the creation. At that point I realized that I was in a way constantly trying to deliberately „exclude“ this US – how I perceived it – from the creation and it gave me some relief when I realised that it wasn’t necessary at all. This moment for me felt like the coming up after a dive, the head breaks through the surface of the water and you take this first powerful, deep and longing breath. You shake your head and look around, taking note of the whole new environment. Everything changes, the way you hear, the way you see and the way you move. You remember how it was being under water, how it felt and how you were. You realise that you’d have never been able to foresee how it is to be above the surface because you didn’t know there was a surface until you broke through it. You realise that you broke through the surface almost via accident. Something brought you here. It wasn’t you. And yet it was you. A great freedom arises. A joy. A realization of how things really are. Gratefulness. Maybe some glimpse of bliss.

Although, this breaking through the surface was stretched over a longer period of time as it was happening in the time- space dimension.
So, by now I think that with the end of “CreaA(C)TIONing the WON” something crucial changed for me. It appears to me like the coming-to-an-end of a cycle, like the death and new-birth of something. Like revealing and disappearing in a single moment.

When I think about it now it seems to me that during all our other creations I was kind of still under-water, diving deeper and deeper, discovering all these hidden, dark, beautiful, scary, and mystical places. Getting in touch with many vulnerable sides of my being. And all this took place in a very sensitive, yet very conscious space that was provided by you. For me. At least, this is how it felt for me. I kind of relied onto you knowing, sensing, being capable of getting in touch with all these different states of mine. Right know it comes to me, that this might be because you were capable of all these different states of yourself, within yourself. I do not know, and it may not be of great importance now but what I’m trying to say is that I was primarily learning from you. And some part of me knew that what I was learning was of great importance and I was supposed to learn it. Just like I was supposed to break through the surface though I never knew there was a surface until I found myself above.

So, if I am trying to think of what mainly has changed since my breakthrough it comes to me a greater sense of self- awareness and also self-consciousness. Because the uncomprising and powerful way in which you were following your way of being and creating inspired me to trust into what was happening. This trust was based on my again-and-again experiencing you as the most integer person I have ever met so far. And this becomes even more meaningful as it is through you also that I have experienced many aspects of being that are beyond the person. So it is this combination of a grounded person that is open for the non-personal that provided me with trust that was beyond any doubt because it was beyond mind, beyond the person and something in me intuitively resonated with that. So my person was able to let go, more and more, step by step, little by little.

So maybe this is another part of the essence of how I experience co-creating with you, a constant letting-go.

When I now think of the creations themselves they seem very strange to me in some way. What makes them meaningful to me is my own path of co-creating with you and all these experiences I mentioned before. They are all in these creations. When I think of it now it also comes that watching or listening to them usually puts me in a state of higher vibration. This is how I experience it. My body is soothing, relaxing and vibrating, maybe tingling at the same time. I become very calm but also very open and sensitive. So it is also a very intimate experience for me which also makes it kind of challenging. Right now I think that this is also a reason why I rarely watch or listen to them. There’s always something inside of me trying to avoid this experience. Though, it is very pleasurable everytime.

When I’m thinking of the aspect of sound and being an instrumentalist in this setting it appears to me that on the one hand this was not so relevant at all. On the other hand these experiences shaped my understanding of being an artist and thus also an instrumentalist. Right now I think that it was about bringing together two different aspects of the same: the aspect of being in a space of not-knowing, infinite beyond-person being and the very concrete, almost infinetesimal small aspect of hitting something, making a sound, moving, shaping the physical world.

In the first aspect it may happen that this infinity becomes so vast, so overwhelming that it may appear absolutely meaningless to do anything at all. It takes away every meaning which may cause something like a crisis at some point. I can do anything. So why should I actually do anything at all?
Letting this vast meaninglessness eat up everything and accompanying it with sound has changed my approach and view of being an artist because it rearranged my set of values.

And now I would say that the most important value or rather insight is, that none of them two – the infinite nor the concrete – are of more or less importance than the other.

They are both part of the same. The same ongoing I-dont-know what beautiful crazy something.

Robert Fischer
Percussionist, Multi-Instrumentalist, Co-Creator of DANCE BY MY GRAVE, WONOW, CreA(C)TIONingTheWON, StrangePeaceByGanga and More, Germany